Posted Sat Feb 26, 2005, 11:00am Subject: Re: Look Out JonR!!!!!!
I'm gonna host this shizzle Iron Chef style:
Tell me what you roast, and I'll tell you who you are. -- Brillat-Savarin
Five years ago, a man’s fantasy became reality, in a form never seen before, in the Espresso Stadium, a giant coffee arena. The motivation for spending his fortune to create such a stadium was to encounter out new, original cuisine that could be called true artistic creations.
To realize his dream, he secretly started choosing the top chefs of different styles of cooking. And he named his men the Iron Baristas, the invincible men of culinary skills. If ever a challenger wins over the Iron Barista he or she will gain the coffeegeek’s ovation and fame forever.
CHAIRMAN ZOKA: "Today's challenger: from the depths of the East River, Chef Andre. He started pulling shots at age 11, after a tragic hunting accident showed him his career lay in espresso preparation, not offshore oil rigging. He apprenticed under the great Bezerra"
[Picture: A young, skinny Andre and three other young chefs]
CHAIRMAN ZOKA: "working his way up through the ranks from sous-barista"
[Picture: A teenage Andre and two other teenage chefs]
CHAIRMAN ZOKA: "until age 35, when he took over as Head... Barista upon the retirement of his mentor."
FUKUI: "His espresso shots are a montage of beautifully orchestrated native arrangements, skillfully blending ingredients to harmonize and draw out the natural... oh, hell. It tastes good and looks good too. So, Andre-san, show us why you are considered the Alain Chapel of coffee cuisine."
ANDRE: "Who's he? I mean, I'll do my best!"
[Zoka enters Kitchen Stadium, mugs it up a bit and bites a giant coffee bean. Medium shot of Zoka hiccuping once, then goes to podium.]
CHAIRMAN ZOKA: "One of the problems with searching far and wide for new and innovative cuisine is that eventually you come to the end of the earth, or at least the end of the line. And today I think I've done just that with today's challenger. Now let's bring him on! From the depths of the East River, head barista... Chef Andre!"
[Andre enters to the sound of jungle drums.]
FUKUI: "Now entering Espresso Stadium in traditional New York City garb, and accompanied by what can only be called a headhunter raiding party, is today's challenger, Chef Andre! Andre, whose culinary influences stretch from the Himalayas to Hoboken, will bring a refreshing change to the competition!"
CHAIRMAN ZOKA: "Welcome to Espresso Stadium."
ANDRE: "Thank you. Nice to be here. This is for you." [presents Zoka a necklace made from a shrunken skull tamp and several espresso beans.]
CHAIRMAN ZOKA: "Thank you. How do you intend to shake things up around here?"
ANDRE: "I've got recipes and mad skillz that will blow your mind."
CHAIRMAN ZOKA: "Excellent. Now let's meet the Iron Baristas, who lately have started to bore me. Yomigerayu Aiyann Sheffu!"
[Three of the Iron Baristas rise on their podia]
FUKUI: "Blah, blah, blah; your Iron Baristas; yadda, yadda, yadda, leaders in Espresso cuisine, and once again Kobe's stuck in the back room at the card table with the rest of the children."
CHAIRMAN ZOKA: "So. Which Iron Barista will it be?
CHAIRMAN ZOKA: If memory serves me correctly, we haven't featured a crotchless portafilter before. It takes unwavering discipline and a deft touch too bring out the subtleties of the crotchless portafilter.
And now we unveil the secret ingredient: Kopi Luwak coffee beans!
Posted Sat Feb 26, 2005, 1:02pm Subject: Re: Look Out JonR!!!!!!
I must admit I've used CG as a tool for info for awhile now.I'm now prompted to join for 2 specific posts today both by twomartines.First the amazing sphere of espresso it's so cool.Second the Iron Chef stuff,very very funny.It's good to be alive.Thanks,Roy ps,I think Mr Martinie has warmed up his roaster today.
ihatecoffee Senior Member Joined: 16 Jan 2005 Posts: 66 Location: Canada Expertise: I love coffee
Posted Sat Feb 26, 2005, 1:37pm Subject: Re: Look Out JonR!!!!!!
Looks like we're gonna have a good old fahioned whore-off! My money's on Mr. Slave (Jon). My apologies in advance guys. As my wife keeps telling me "not everybody's into South Park!" I simply don't understand.
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